it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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