I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
