i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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