My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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