she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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