i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
