Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
