p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just found puke in my bra..
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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