I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
