he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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