Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
