can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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