I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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