listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
