Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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