Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
