I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
