She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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