Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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