based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
