Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
