i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's Friday. Sex?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
