I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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