I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
this is an emotional support booty call
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