Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is it because I queefed?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She bit a glass in half.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
