I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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