ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
