your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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