So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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