i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
