I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
