her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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