Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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