just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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