BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
