Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
