I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
