Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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