I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
