you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
