i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
