Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
