I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Bring me that man meat
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
