I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
