I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
