I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
