It's like God shit irony all over that family
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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