oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize