You're completely useless in the revolution.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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