my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
