I just pynch a tree in the face
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
