return my video game
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
