hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
