dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
