You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
