Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
