where am i from again
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
