I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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