I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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