i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
