1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
