Michael Bay diarrhea
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
