I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
