sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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