So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
