I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
