Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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