I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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