i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
