How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
