Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
