i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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